Why don't they have a damn anime already? Samurai Warriors is getting
by whatamidoing765
Summary: one when their game comes out Oh, wait Koei sucks at writing and development of characters. Maybe add some more humor in certain spots and I'll watch it. Or they're just biased. Oh, I'm getting off-topic. Here are DW characters if they had stereotypical sit-coms and dramas.


**The dramas will have every character talking in a stereotypical dramatic voice. You can add a black-and-white scheme to them if you'd like.**

* * *

**Wei **

**Cao Pi opens the door dramatically with a stern face. Zhen Ji runs to him. "My love!" He slaps her and she falls to the ground. "Father!" Cao Rui runs up to him, and he slaps him too. "My boy!" Cao Cao runs to Cao Pi, and he gets slapped down as well. "Good." Cao Pi runs back outside to get into a flying grape convertible. **

**Zhen Ji runs up to Cao Pi, crying. "I think I'm pregnant!" Cao Pi gets up, and slaps her. "Who's is it?" **

**"Your brother!"**

**"I should have known! You two have been pretty friendly with each other ever since I became emperor! What other lies have you kept from me?"**

**"I slept with your father!" Cao Cao walks into the scene. "Hi." Cao Pi looks at him disgustingly. "Grr..who else?!"**

**"I slept with Guo Jia!" Guo Jia walks onto the scene. "Hi." **

**"I slept with..." After fifteen minutes, the room is filled with everyone in Wei including women. Cao Pi gets very angry. "You...whore! I trusted you! We were going to open a grape shop together! And I was hoping we could grow old together! (Even though we can't...) Now all of that is gone now!" He stands posing dramatically with the "his hand near his face thing." **

**Cao Zhi bursts into the room. "Zhen Ji! I love you! Run away with me!"**

**"I can't! Cao Pi is looking for you as we speak! He already executed everyone! You must go and leave me be!"**

**"I can't! I must be with you! Even if I die in my brother's hands!" Cao Pi walks in, and he pulls Cao Zhi away from Zhen Ji's hands and throws him onto the ground. He then takes a deep breath and says, "Why are we doing this again...?"**

**"I don't know...this guy just gave me this script and that is how it goes..."**

**"This was incredibly weird for me...Who wrote this? I bet Xu Chu could come up with something better than this!"**

**"I know I wrote a poem about you, but I'm not stupid enough to go chase you since Cao Pi can kill me on the spot."**

**"Damn right."**

**Guo Jia sits in a doctor's office anxiously. Jia Xiu in a doctor's outfit walks in. "I can't tell you straight out, so I'm letting these guys say it." ****Li Dian, Yue Jin, Xu Huang, Zhang Liao and Zhang He walk in barbershop quartet outfits and they sing. "You have AIDS."**

**"Yes, you have AIDS."**

**"I hate to tell ya boy that you have AIDS"**

**"You've got the AIDS." Guo Jia looks at them weirdly. "Um...this wasn't in the script..."**

**"Well, we're improvising." Zhang Liao pops behind Guo Jia and sings,"You maybe got it when you stuck that filthy needle in here." The rest appear next to him. "Or all that unprotected sex what you hear, if it isn't clear."**

**"But what we are certain of is you have AIDS."**

**"Yes, you have AIDS"**

**"Not HIV, but full-blown AIDS." Guo Jia then says out,"You're not going to actually do this if I do get AIDS?" Jia Xiu acts innocently and says,"Nooo...why would we do that...? This is acting, remember?" (Probably...) Li Dian pops next to Guo Jia and sings in a deep voice,"I wish it was something less seeeerious..." He joins back to the group then they sung,"FULLBLOWN AIDS. You've got the Aaaa-Iiii-Ddd-Sss..." Guo Jia walks out of the prop doctor's office,"This was supposed to be dramatic..."**

**Wu **

**Sun Jian gets in a gunfight and one bullet hits him in the chest. "GAH!" He falls, and the shooters run away. Sun Shang Xiang runs to Sun Jian's side. "Father! We need to get you medical attention!"**

**"No...it seems my fire has finally burned out...Tell your mother I love her..." He smiles at Sun Shang Xiang and his hand falls out of Sun Shang Xiang's hand. She cries intensively and yells out as the camera pans out. "FFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTHHHHHERRRR!" Rain pours.**

**Sun Shang Xiang bursts into the room, with Sun Ce and Sun Quan getting up from the couch. "Father's been killed!"**

**"Who did?! I'll show that guy-" **

**"Who did this, Sister?"**

**"Some of the remaining men of that gang Father shot down came back to kill him in revenge for the dead leader!"**

**"No..."**

**"We can't just sit here! Let's go avenge him! Get me my gun!" Sun Shang Xiang clings to him. ****"No! This will make it worse! father would not want us to be in danger because of him!" **

**"Sister's right. We can't just charge in, we'll be Swiss cheese in no time!"**

**"Grr...did Father suffer?"**

**"I was there for his last moments. He was smiling when he passed."**

**"He was a strong man...Someone I could never be..."**

**The shooters were hanging near a street corner until a car pulls near them. Han Dang pulls out a AK-47 out the window. "A message from the Suns." He lets the bullets fly in rapid motion, hitting them, leaving a bloody mess behind as he drove away. **

**Sun Quan and Sun Shang Xiang were sitting at the table when the door breaks open with a covered-in-blood Sun Ce. "...Koff...ugh..." He collapses with the two running to him. "NO! Not you too!" **

**"I leave...Quan with being the head of...the Suns..."**

**"No! I'm not ready! We'll get you help!"**

**"I'm afraid I'm going to...ugh...Father...I can come see now..." He falls dead. The two then yelled out,"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-KOFF...koff...Is that enough...?" Sun Ce gets up, "Hey, how long am I supposed to stay like this?"**

**"Koff...It's hard to do this twice here..."**

**"How can anyone do that? It's slightly annoying though..."**

**"Eh...Hey, this fake blood feels like jam."**

"**It is jam."**

**"Ooh." He licks his hand. "Mm, strawberry."**

**Gan Ning walks into a room with Ling Tong and Lu Xun sitting on a couch. "Hey, can you see my nipples through this?" **

***Audience Laughter***

**Ling Tong then answers,"No, but I'm pretty sure they're still there."**

***Audience laughter***

**Lu Xun then asks, "What's the occasion to be wearing a suit?" **

**"My dad is coming to visit and I want to look like I hit it big time."**

**"But...you work at a Walmart..."**

***Audience laughter***

**"I know that! He always thought I could never make it with the big boys, and now I can rub it in his face!"**

**"What else did you tell him?"**

**"I said I'm married to a hot model and have a engineer for a friend."**

**"How are you getting that?"**

**A few minutes later, Ling Tong is in a dress with make-up on and Lu Xun was wearing nerdy glasses and suspenders.**

***Prolonged audience laughter***

**Ling Tong glares at Gan Ning and says,"I...Hate...You..."**

***Audience laughter***

**Gan Ning says sarcastically,"Aw, and I love you too."**

**"Audience laughter***

**"Why am I wearing this...?"**

**"You're an engineer. Engineers are nerds."**

**"Not all nerds look like this. And why suspenders?"**

**"My father is a very stereotypical person. Just look smart." **

**"Ugh."**

***Audience laughter***

**Shu**

**Zhao Yun drives away with Adou in the front seat. Bullets hit the back and riddled it with holes. Once he got to safe location, he drives to a secluded place. Liu Bei was standing there with Zhuge Liang, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei in suits around him. "I saved your baby. Your wife...is not going to make it..." Liu Bei takes the baby in his hands. "Good...THEN I TOOK IT AND THREW IT ON THE GROUND!" He throws Adou on the ground hard. Everyone is shocked at him. "What did you do?!"**

**"Yeah! That wasn't in the script!"**

**"I just...can't pass up that opportunity..." **

**"Thank Confucius that was just a prop." **

**At night, Zhuge Liang looks up at the stars. "It is time..." Ma Dai runs up to him. "Do I..."**

**"Yes. Kill him."**

**"But-"**

**"Do as I say! I don't care if you're friends with him! He must die if this is going to succeed." **

**"...Yes sir..."**

**Later, as Wei Yan was walking down a street, a car pulls by him and as Ma Dai points the rifle at Wei Yan, he lets out a tear as he the bullets are heard rapidly being fired. The car drives away. When they got back, Zhuge Liang and a jam-covered Wei Yan were standing there. "This made no sense..."**

**"Why...blood...taste like...berries...?"**

**"I know...This was weird..."**

**Xing Cai walks into the living room and sees Liu Shan napping on the couch. "Get up." He is still lying there. "Wake up!" He is still snoring. Xing Cai gets the couch and tips it to make Liu Shan fall out. **

***Audience laughter* **

**"Ow! What?"**

**"It is almost time for you to go to work! Guan Ping, Guan Xing, and Zhang Bao are waiting!"**

**"Alright..."**

**When he got outside, he sees Zhang Bao in a rainbow suit. **

***Audience laughter***

**"Why are you wearing that?"**

**"Casual Friday."**

***Audience laughter***

**Guan Xing comments,"You look like if a Care Bear ate a hippie riding a My Little Pony and pooped you out."**

***Prolonged audience laughter***

**Jin**

**Sima Yi is standing in the living room with Sima Shi, Sima Zhao, Wang Yuanji and a little Sima Yan. "Ok, your mother has just done surgery and I want you to NOT comment on her...new...appearance...Act normal." They sit in chairs while Sima Yan is still standing. Zhang Chunhua goes through the door. (No surgery actually done.) Sima Yan goes up to her and yells out,"Daymn Grandma! Your boobs are HUGE!"**

***Prolonged Audience laughter***

**Everyone looked at him funny. ****"Uh...Yan? Where did you learn that language...?"**

**"Grandpa, Father, and Uncle." Wang Yuanji turns to look at Sima Yi ,Sima Zhao and Sima Shi. "I do not know how he learned it..." (He must have listened to my sleep talking...)**

**"I didn't teach him that. I swear!" (He must have listened to my sleep talking...)**

**"That is what is going through everyone's mind now. Yan here was being honest. OOF!" Sima Shi gets a lamp to the face.**

***Audience laughter***

**Deng Ai goes into the room, holding up Sima Zhao. "I found your son to be playing hookey today from school." Sima Yi says out in a slightly sarcastic voice, "Oh, no. This will never do." He smokes a pipe that blows bubbles. Everyone in the room looked at him funny. "You killed it...This was supposed to be dramatic."**

**"Oh! Wrong pipe. Here it is." Sima Yi takes out the a pipe the same color as the previous one and smokes that one.**

**Sima Yi and Zhang Chunhua were sitting in chairs while Sima Zhao bursts into the room. "I got a girl pregnant!" The two still do what they were doing as if they didn't hear. "Oh...um...I impregnated Yuanji..." The two look up in shock. "What?!"**

**"You violated poor Yuanji? How could you?"**

**"I did not arrange this marriage just for you to have your way with her! I should separate you two until furth-" Wang Yuanji runs in the room. "No! Don't put all the blame on him!" (Gee, I sound desperate...) "It was my idea!" (Ugh...no...) "And Zhao, I slept with your brother also!" Everyone in the room gasps. "What?"**

**"What?!" Sima Shi walks into the room, "I told you to not tell them!" Sima Yi then said,"Um...was this in the script?" Wang Yuanji gives him a look and whispered, "No, we're improvising." She then acts not-so-surprised. "Oh, no! Now all of you now know of my shameful secret! What are you going to do Father-in-law and Mother-in-law?" **

**"Eh...depends..."**

**"I always thought of Shi being a better suitor to you than Zhao. But Zhao needs the guidance more than him." Sima Yi then whispered,"You're going along with this?"**

**"This is a little more interesting than the original. So, who's child is it?" **

**"I don't know..." Sima Zhao then pretend-attacks Sima Shi. "You bastard! How could you do this to me!" **

**"She made the move first!" **

**"What other lies have you kept from us?!" **

**"I stole a hundred dollars from your wallet!" **

**"Eh...not really appropriate...for this time...Try something else."**

**"Um...I got nothing." They both get up from the ground. Wang Yuanji then adds in a very strained sad voice,"Don't hurt each other because of me! I'm the cause of all this!" Sima Yi then yells out,"You're a whore! A filthy, filthy whore! Who else here is keeping such lies from me?" Zhang Chunhua says in a fake teary voice, "I had an affair with five of your brothers!" (Ugh...I would never do that...but it makes this a lot more interesting.)**

**"What? How could you...?" **

**"And I never told you this...I'm your sister." Sima Yi then turns slightly green. "Ugh...that's too far..." He then acts ultimately surprised. "No way...That's not true! That's impossible!" Sima Shi yells out,"I don't even know anymore!" He runs over to Zhang Chunhua and pulls her in for a long kiss, drops her, then runs away to the other room. Everyone is shocked. Sima Yi looks over where Sima Shi ran and said,"Um...Shi? That was not necessary...We were already finished."**

**"Oh...uh...That was pretty good acting, right...?" Zhang Chunhua gets up with a slightly green and confused look on her face. "That wasn't acting...I felt something move around in my mouth..." They then hear a door being slammed and a car starting that screeches after. "Ok..Sima Yi, please come over here..." **

**"Why? Gah!" She pulls Sima Yi down. Sima Zhao commented,"What are you-OH MY GOD! Why here?! I'm outa here!" He runs out of the room, Wang Yuanji running after him.**

**Other**

**Lu Bu is reading the newspaper as Diao Chan is washing dishes. Lu Lingqi walks in. "Dad...Can I say something?" Lu Bu puts down his paper. ****"What is it? Tell me."**

**"I have a boyfriend!" Lu Bu tears the paper in half as he heard those words. "What's his name?"**

**"Father, I know what you are going to do. I don't want you to keep babying me anymore."**

**"What is his name?"**

**"I'm going with him." She leaves. **

**After a few hours, she comes home. Lu Bu asks her, "How was it?"**

**"Meh. He's unoriginal."**

**"Oh." She then walks away and Lu Bu goes outside. He sees the boyfriend still standing. "So, you're dating my daughter?"**

**"Y-Yes..."**

**"Well...You should treat her right. Or else..." Lu Bu pulls out a shotgun in the guy's face. "Boom. Got that?"**

**"Ah! Yes!"**

**"Good. Bye!" He walks back inside the house.**


End file.
